There's A Gap

I have found a song. I have found a place to fall--that place is grace. Falling like the rain, I will fall into grace...like a child I am...

What do I do here in the waiting?

What do I do with my unsatisfied heart?

What do I do here in the waiting

Here in the tension of believing again and again?

'Cause there's a lack

There's a gap in my soul

Between the things

That I believe and I know.

So...Holy Spirit

You who fill all in all

Come and fill me.

Holy Spirit, come hold me together.

So I fall into grace again

So I fall into grace again

So I fall into grace again

Like a child I am, Like a child I am.

~ Laura Hackett

When You Can't Forgive Yourself

Has there ever been a point in your life where you felt forgiveness was just too good to be true? When you knew that God had forgiven you, but you just couldn’t let yourself off the hook and forgive you? Maybe that is where you are right now.

Dear sister, I too find this place all too familiar, and it is a place where I have spent most of my life. It is a self-destructive place to be, and it is only now that I am realizing that I am the only person who can change that. For years I have carried a burden of guilt and shame so great it has nearly destroyed me. But I have decided that is to be no longer. I claim the words that Jesus spoke, “So if the Son sets you free you will be free indeed!” (John 8:36). When I reached the end of myself, I cried out to the Father in my brokenness, and He came and lifted me up. My sin and shame is now buried at the foot of His cross. In place of fear I now lift my face to His and feel the warmth of His love light shining upon me. His love has freed me. For He promises that His blood cleanses me from all my sin, and He is faithful and just to forgive my sin and to cleanse me from all unrighteousness” (I John 1:7-9).

Receiving forgiveness can be so difficult for us, especially if we do not see ourselves through His eyes. Did you know that the Father loves you just as much as He loves Jesus?! Jesus has come, and He has given you the glory of His Father. He desires for you to come and be with Him where He is (John 17:22-24). The light of His love is shining upon you. Open your mind and heart to receive His heavenly smile of approval. Let His love, tinged with gold, wash over you and soak into the depths of your being. Listen to this message of hope from the Psalms:

“Keep me safe, O God, for I have come to you for refuge…I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me. No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My body rests in hope. For you will not leave my soul among the dead…You will show me the way of life, and you will fill me with the joy of your presence” (Ps. 16:8-11).

Is it difficult for you to grasp that there is a God who truly loves you and embraces you where you are? Dearest sister, that has been a battle my soul has grappled with as well. Can you identify with the one who reveals, “It’s hard for me to grasp just how high and wide and deep God’s love is for me. He doesn’t love like I love. He loves unconditionally.” That’s it exactly! God loves us without limitations. Higher, wider, and deeper than we could possibly imagine. “I finally opened my eyes to the Lord and realized that I didn’t ‘find’ Him. He was never lost—I was” (Liz Curtis Higgs in Embrace Grace).

A question to ponder is “If you imagined Jesus looking at you, what might you see in His eyes? Is this a scary question for you? Dear sister, can you, even if for a moment, look through God’s lenses as to how He sees you, rather than through the lenses of how you see yourself? As I ponder this question for myself, I found that my response answered back in the form of questions: “Would I see tears? Tears that were being shed for me? Would I see compassion? Would I see Love walking towards me, Love looking into my eyes? These are the questions I ask, and my heart leads me to the answer of yes, I would see all I have ever hoped and longed for in His eyes looking into mine.

To Him who loves us abundantly more than we could ever ask or think, to Him be the glory and the honor and the praise forever!

Child of God

I paint on the face

I strap on the heels

I shut down my heart

So it won't have to feel

The hands that don't know me

All over my skin

And the eyes that don't love me

Drinking me in.

Under this make-up

I'm black and blue

The petals were crushed

Before I could bloom

I didn't choose this

No one ever would

And I'd break these chains

If only I could.

I'm a child of God

I hide in plain sight

I'm a child of God

Slave to the night

Powerless, broken,

Abandoned, abused

Do you see a child of God

Or just a prostitute?

The world looks away

And calls me a whore

And each day I die

Just a little bit more

A disposable person

To keep at arm's length

Human trash...

Is that what you think?

What I've become

Is not who I am

We both were created

By the very same hand

I'm a child of God

I hide in plain sight

I'm a child of God

Slave to the night

Powerless, broken,

Abandoned, abused

Do you see a child of God

Or just a prostitute?

-Steve Siler

Transparent Heart

Have you ever felt the fear that if people really knew you, that if they really discovered the “real” you, that they wouldn't love you? I have, often. Yet I find that when I dare to speak out, it gives others the courage to speak out as well. I once read that the reason we tell our stories is to give courage to others to share theirs. Thus, we find that we are not alone in our battles.

This morning in Sunday school it hit me when I heard the statement that how we gird ourselves with the belt of truth is by being honest with God and with people. I can handle the being honest with God part - He knows it all anyway. But people? In my shame, I tend to hide. I avoid the very people I need to love me the most. But, this is a very lonely, very desolate place to be, one where my heart begins to shut down and leaves only a dull ache in its stead.

During class, we never got to the third question in our discussion where it asked if someone would be willing to share a recent time when the Spirit convicted you, and gave you the opportunity to practice 1 John 1:9 - " But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

I would like to share with you a time how I personally experienced this a couple weeks prior on what happened to be a Sunday as well. I was having a difficult day. I was struggling. I felt shame. I felt unworthiness. And Sunday of all Sundays, this happened to be communion Sunday. Pastor Lou mentioned that if there was something that stood between you and God, then maybe that might mean you should let the bread and wine pass you by without partaking. A feeling of dread weighted down my stomach. At that point, it was the last thing I needed to hear before I completely broke down. I began to pray. I poured my heart out to God. I let my heart grieve and the tears slip down my face. I felt “stuck.” I didn't want to stay there, but I also didn’t know how to “get out.” The thought of not taking communion terrified me. I felt like everybody would see me and know that I was the black sheep, like the woman caught in adultery and brought before Jesus by the Pharisees. I didn't want to feel that shame, waiting for the first stone to be cast. I debated my options. The tears continued to fall down my face as I decided to participate in communion, and it was then that I heard Jesus speaking to me so clearly it was unmistakable. He brought me back to Isaiah 53. He took me to the cross and said, "Audrey, this is how much I love you. I carried your shame. There’s no need for you to carry it now. That’s why I died. I took your sin upon my own body, and have clothed you with my righteousness, in a robe of spotless white. Your sins are remembered no more. You are forgiven. You were forgiven at the cross 2,000 years ago. I was beaten so you could be made whole. I was whipped so you could be healed. Everything you are suffering now, I have gone before you to suffer in every way that which you would suffer. There is not one tear that I do not understand. I've carried your sorrows and been crushed for your sins. I have been acquainted with deepest grief. I carried the cross. Now, here is my body, broken for you. And here is my blood poured out for you. This is how much I love you. I am the God who gave up my power, my rights, my Father, my home, and my Sonship that you might know my love. There is no love no greater."

I cannot tell you what this has done and meant to my heart, other than breaking me in my brokenness to see how lost and hopeless I would be without Him, and yet He meets me there and shines His love and His light into my heart.

Lord, your love continues to amaze me. How wide, how high and how deep it is!

“Behold what manner of love the Father has given unto us, that we should be called the children of God!” (I John 3:1)
“Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:4, 5)

I need You to love me - BarlowGirl

The King's Daughters Banquet

Gift Bags

Party favors!

Beautiful ice sculptures! And wedding cake!

Preparing for the Banquet

Becky and Liz Curtis Higgs

Becky thanking the hostesses who served us.

Saw-wa-dee-kaw!

These are two Thai women who served at the banquet we held while in Thailand.

Hello dear ones,

It's been a little over a month since I've been home from Thailand, and here I am finally writing the report I promised I'd give you! Thank-you for your patience in waiting and your consideration in not overwhelming me with a flood of questions. I was in Thailand for 10 days, and it was definitely a life changing experience, some of which I'll try to relay in this letter. I went with a group of 45 other women as part of the ministry of Women at Risk, International, also referred to as WAR. When we reached Bangkok, Becky's (the president of WAR) brother met us at the airport. During our stay he helped with arrangements and made sure everything was flowing smoothly. On a humorous note, the next day which happened to be Sunday, he introduced us to their church with the question, "What do you call a tsunami of 40 women?" The answer, "An estronami!"

During our stay we visited 3 safe houses of rescued women, hosted a banquet for 200 rescued women, went on outreach to the red light districts, and also visited an orphanage of 110 at-risk girls rescued from the intent of being sold into the sex trade. We did some shopping in the incredible markets of Thailand and went on a dinner cruise one evening as well. It was an entirely new experience for me, and I have to say that I fell in love with Thailand, along with its people.

Another highlight of the trip was that Liz Curtis Higgs, popularly known for her book Bad Girls of the Bible, accompanied us and shared her testimony, as well as ministered to us during her teaching time. Her theme was "Embracing Grace." Liz was an absolute delight, and through her I was able to see more of God's heart for His daughters. Some meaningful statements she shared: "God meets us where we are. Even if we aren't looking in His direction, He is always looking in ours." "The purpose of my life is this: I was made to love God and be loved by Him." "God loves me, not because I am good, but because I am His."

I'd like to give you somewhat of a backdrop of the Thai culture which will help you to better understand some of the reasons behind the well known problem of the sex trade, also called sex tourism. It is estimated that 60% of foreign men traveling to Thailand have come for the sex industry. I'd like to insert a sentence here that Women at Risk is NOT an organization who bashes men. The men are wounded as well, and the ministry is searching for a way where they can reach out to the men involved, as well as the women. However, Women at Risk's primary focus is on the women who are the victims of trafficking and prostitution.

Thailand is mainly Buddhist, and there is a teaching in Buddhism that the reason you were born a woman in this life is because you didn't do enough good in your past life to become a man. The male figure is literally worshiped because a man can make merit for his parents by becoming a monk for any length of time (for as little as one day) so they (the parents) can have a cycle of life in heaven.

Also, from the time she is born, a girl's parents keep a ledger of every expense she costs them, and she is required to pay her "debt" when she reaches a certain age. Culturally, it is the daughter who is expected to support her parents and other family members. The cultural obligation is so strong that a girl will say, "I don't matter. I'm not important. What's important is that I support my parents at any cost." Prostitution is considered a better sacrifice than doing nothing at all. Becky asked us to pray for one girl who was "working" to support 8 other family members. One woman's answer as to why she could not leave was this: "My mother has been sick in the hospital so I need to pay for that. My brother just bought a motorcycle, and I need to pay for that. My child is in school, and I must pay her way through college because she is not going to have this kind of life. So that means seven more years."

One girl who had been rescued and had come to know Christ was given the revelation and shared, "God never hated me or was prejudiced against me." Another girl shared, "What I like best of all is worshiping God. God is love, pure love."

I'm going to share an excerpt from my journal that I wrote after my first time meeting some of these incredible women..."Today marks the first day I have met face to face these women I so dearly love. How shall I describe it? How do you describe the rare and precious beauty that has arisen from among the ashes? I look into each of their eyes, and I see beauty. I see depth. They know what it is to be told they are worthless and lower than the meanest snake. They know what it is to have their voices silenced. They know what it is to have no hope. And yet, here they are lifting their eyes to the heaven's, praising and worshiping God, the One who has lifted them from the ashes and given them reason to hope again. I have never seen a more beautiful sight."

It was a precious gift for me to sit among these women, to wrap arms of love around them, to worship with them and hear their stories. Our shared worship times were a glimpse of heaven - they singing in Thai beside us while we sang along in English. It was so amazing to experience the bond of sisterhood with them, and I came to realize how much you can communicate with a person even though you don't speak the same language. Love bridges the gap. Love speaks louder than any spoken words I could utter. When I see these women, the word prostitute doesn't enter my mind for that is not who they are. They are my sisters. Another excerpt from my journal: "These precious young women. They have emotions. They cry. They know fear. They know loneliness. They know shame. They are well acquainted with grief. We are the same. We are sisters."

I have a story of how one precious little girl was rescued from a life of horror. At two weeks of age, her mother in a state of desperation sold her baby into the hands of a trafficker. When WAR heard about this, they tracked that little baby down, and they bought her back. She was adopted by a loving family, and she is now 2 yr. old, as precious and as beautiful as any little girl can be. Her name is Elliana, which means "Gift of God."

There was a woman who accompanied us on our trip from the Dominican Republic and a partner in the ministry of WAR. She shared of the desperate circumstances women find themselves in there. I will never forget this... From my journal, "These women are desperate. They have babies at home who need milk in order to survive. Their children need to be cared for. And there is no money. So after these women tuck their little ones into bed, they catch a train to another town so no one will recognize them. They "work" the entire night selling themselves to make it home by dawn so as they will not be missed. Another day dawns, and the hopeless cycle repeats itself."

The good news in all this is that God is alive and drawing these women to Himself, rescuing and redeeming them from their traumatic pasts. Through ministries like WAR who come alongside these women, they are offered a way out, they are given hope for a new start, and the opportunity of a job that allows them to provide for themselves and their families with dignity.

The most rewarding part of the trip for me was definitely meeting the rescued women face to face. I went on this trip intending to be a blessing, and in return I was so much more abundantly blessed than I could have ever imagined. Their lives speak to me, and impact me in a way that no one else could. During this season of my life God has been working in me a heart of brokenness for the lost, for the broken, and giving me a heart of compassion and unconditional love, as He enables me to see through His eyes, not those of my own. It has and still is a painful process, but I know and believe that God has an intended purpose in mind. I came across a quote in one of Elizabeth Elliot's books, and it fits in my life perfectly,"If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."

I'd like to thank each one of you for prayers for me surrounding this trip. It truly made all the difference in the world. The evening we went on outreach in the red light district, we were walking through on a prayer walk. Amazingly, I felt no fear. Despite being surrounded by insurmountable evil, I was completely at peace. I sensed this bubble of protection that God had enveloped about me. My heart broke for what I saw, and I was given the ability to see through God's eyes, and have love and compassion flow from my heart for both the women and the men. That reminds me of a statement Becky had told us before we even reached Thailand, "They are not the enemy; they are captives of the enemy."

All this to say, I love you, and I am thankful that God has brought each of you into my life. Your lives have made a difference that has impacted one life for the kingdom of God. I cannot imagine how many countless others there must be.

With love,
Audrey

The Master's Hands

The Master's hands -
What hands are they
That guide me through
Each night and day?

Hands that held me
Before my birth
Molded and fashioned in His design
Created for life on this earth.

Before I ever came to be,
Each moment of my life He planned.
Even my name
Is written there upon His hand.

Work-worn hands
That crafted wood,
Yet every tear
He understood.

Calloused, rough -
What hands are they?
'Tis the Master's
Is what they say.

Never knew
A touch more tender,
One that knew
Of Heaven's splendor.

Healing hands
That touch the sick,
Those whom society
Deems "unfit."

Hands that raise
The dead to life
Frees the captives
Conquers strife.

Bleeding hands
Nailed to the tree.
Hanging there,
It was for me.

Hands that reach down
Near to us -
He is the One
Whom we can trust.

Hands that hold us
Lest we fall
He's the best friend
Of all.

None can snatch us
From His hand
For on His promises
We stand.

He the potter
We the clay.
Oh let Him mold me
Day by day.
a.m.d.

Another favorite highlight of Thailand (for me!) was watching some young Thai girls performing the traditional Thai dancing. They are so graceful. The songs they are dancing to tell the version of their story of creation.

Here they are at the Buddhist Corner, and they are dancing as an act of worship to their gods.

Handy Dandy Fans

When we first arrived in Thailand, Becky had given us each a beautiful fan, and she said, "These are not just for show. Believe it or not, you will need them!" This is one of the things I love about Thailand. I was so excited to find a place in the world where "pretty things" are intended for practical use (and people do not look at you like you're some quaint historical figure who just stepped out of time!). Just so you know, I'm taking my fan with me everywhere (in my purse), and I shall use it should the need arise! :)

Introduction to Thailand

"Saw-wa-dee-kah!"

Hello to all who have been patiently waiting to hear more details of my trip to Thailand! In Thailand, the way we say 'hello' is by giving a quick bow and saying "saw-wa-dee-kah."

In Thailand elephants are a symbol of good luck. You see likenesses of them everywhere.

There are pink taxis everywhere! The traffic is a nightmare. Vehicles don't even stay in their proper lanes! If the coast is clear, they go for it. Motorcycles zip in and out between the cars.





Street Market


A man selling rugs.





This little taxi is called a tuk-tuk.

Vegetable stand.

² ² Circle Tour Prayer Guide ² ²

Theme: Daughters of the King

• The theme of the conference is recognizing that the rescued women and we are princesses in Christ, that he has made us daughters of the King of Kings. Pray that the we will know this in a deeper way; for our ability to communicate it to the safe house women and the Thai women we meet on the streets; pray that the safe house women will truly see themselves as daughters of the King of Kings and that this will be a transforming, empowering message.
• “The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord….All glorious is the princess within her chamber; her gown is interwoven with gold. In embroidered garments she is led to the King” (Ps. 45:11, 13-14a).
• “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing” (Zeph. 3:17).
• “You are precious and honored in my sight and…I love you” (Is. 43:4).
• “I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. He has clothed me [in] salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness…as a bride adorns herself with jewels” (Is. 61:10).
• “And your fame spread among the nations an account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign Lord” (Ezek. 16:14).

To be Christ with Skin on; Witness

• Pray for us to be Christ with skin on; to have Christ’s heart, mind, eyes, hands, and feet to reach out to each other, to hotel workers, bus drivers, market place people, tourist guides, safe house staff, WAR Int’l’s partners, rescued women, etc.
• Pray that the love of Christ will be communicated across culture and language
• “So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view…All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us” (2 Cor. 5:17-20).
• “’Lord…enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus.’ After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken” (Acts 4:29-31).

Unity

• Pray for team unity, that there may be no divisions, no small arguments among us, but that our unity and love will be a witness to all who we encounter
• Pray for mutual encouragement and support, that we may build each other up in Christ
• Pray that “in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all [on the Circle Tour team] agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among [them] and that [they] may be perfectly united in mind and thought” (1 Cor. 1:10; see also 2 Cor. 13:11, Ph. 2:2).
• “Each one of you is part of [the body of Christ]…But God combined the members of the body….so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it” (1 Cor. 12:27-28).
• “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 15:5).

Flexibility

• Pray for flexibility, that as things arise we will joyfully transition and move forward as a unified front, that pride and inflexibility will not give Satan a foothold
• For trust in our leaders; leaders’ wisdom in last minute decisions
• “Let love and faithfulness never leave you….Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes” (Pr. 3:4-6a).
• “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed…I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you” (Is. 41:10).

Spiritual Protection

• Many of us are under spiritual attack before we leave—please pray for peace as we leave these situations at home, for God to work in those situations
• Pray for our spiritual protection—that we will daily put on the full armor of God
• Pray that God will create a bubble of protection and peace around us; pray for physical protection in health and in body as we travel
• Pray for protection for our minds; that the images we see will not haunt us but cause us to love the exploited women more and give righteous anger; that every thought will be captive for Christ (2 Cor. 10:5).
• Pray that we will not fight in our own strength, but depend on the Lord’s strength and weapons to fight for us (Ex. 14:14; Ps. 18:35; Ps. 44:6).
• Pray that we may walk in victory and light (2 Cor. 2:14; Ps. 60:12; 1 Cor. 15:57).
• “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5).
• “Finally, be strong in the Lord and his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints” (Eph. 6:10-18).
• “But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain” (1 Cor. 15:57-58).

Liz Curtis Higgs’ Conference “Embracing Grace”

• Pray for Liz’s strength and encouragement; that she will be refreshed and ministered; that the rest of the group will support her and be her prayer circle
• For Liz’s message to deeply impact, encourage, inspire, and challenge us; that we may grasp God’s grace deeper, and respond with deeper love, obedience, and gratitude
• For the message to make a lasting impact on us as we return to our lives in America
• For the Spirit to speak through Liz
• “Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water…And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Heb. 10:22,24).
• “Our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit, and with deep conviction…We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of Go but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us” (1 Thes. 1:5; 2:8).

Partner’s Presentations

• Pray for our partners from Burma, Nepal, Cambodia, and the Dominican Republic presenting
• Pray for WAR, Int’l’s partner’s perseverance and encouragement; pray for us to understand, comfort, encourage, support, minster to; pray for a time of refreshing and new strength
• Pray for new ideas, wisdom, plans; pray that we will see new ways to get involved and to tangibly and practically support our partners
• Pray for spiritual protection and encouragement; for prayer circles for our partners
• “But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one….May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance” (2 Thes. 3:3, 5).

Tuesday, Jan. 26^th

Team 1 (Becky, jewelry designer, board members) leave; they will be spending time in India

• Pray for wisdom, their ministry and encouragement during visiting partners and potential partners
• Pray for jewelry designer to launch new jewelry line from Indian safe house
• Pray for travel safety
• Pray as they settle final logistics and prepare to invite the Circle Tour women in Thailand
• A psalm of pilgrimage: The Lord “will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber….The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore” (Ps. 121)

Tuesday, Feb. 9^th through 12^th

Travel to Thailand

• Pray for team unity and team building as many of us meet each other; for our unity to be a powerful witness; for mutual encouragement and support; for roommate matching
• Pray for health as we travel—some of us will have trouble on the plane, some have medication and health issues, some are leaving family members with health issues; pray for healing, peace, no complications
• “I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well” (3 John 1:2).
• “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Ph. 4:6-7).
• The LORD is “my hiding place; you will protect me from the trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance” (Ps. 32:7).

Saturday, Feb. 13^th

AM: Sleep, orientation, tour

PM: Worship

EVE: Night Market

• Pray for recovery from jet lag, and refreshing worship that orients us to God
• Pray for the nation of Thailand, that Asian men will return to their roles as protective fathers; for the rescue of women in the sex industry; against poverty and demand for women; against the idea that selling daughters is acceptable; for their salvation and to acknowledgment of God
• “Sing to the LORD, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples. For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to feared above all gods…Ascribe to the LORD, O families of nations, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength” (Ps. 96:2-4,7).

Sunday, Feb. 14^th (Valentine’s Day)

AM: Church

PM: Spiritual Warfare Session with Becky

• For us to know the love of God in a deeper way and to be a vessel of that love to those we meet
• “God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit” (Rom. 5:5).
• “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Eph. 3:14-19).
• “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (Jn. 13:35).

Monday, Feb. 15^th

AM: Visit to Safe House #2

PM: Conference with Liz Curtis Higgs, “Embracing Grace”

EVE: Dinner Cruise

• Pray for our visit to the safe house, that the love of God will be communicated across languages and cultures; for those Thai women who do not know Christ to see the love of Christ clearly
• Pray that Thai women and we will mutually encourage each other and find further healing; for a pervasive sense of being family in Christ; for a powerful worship time together
• Pray for our group to be challenged to respond; our guidance for future impact and ministry
• Pray for Liz Curtis Higg’s message of grace
• “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit…one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all...[May] the body of Christ be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ…From [Christ] the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work” (Eph. 4:3-6, 12-13, 16).

Tuesday, Feb. 16^th

AM: Visit to Safe House #3

PM: Conference with Liz Curtis Higgs, “Embracing Grace”

EVE: Outreach

• Pray for the safe house visit, for the conference with Liz
• Pray for outreach—for spiritual protection, our minds to be protected from what we see
• For wisdom in who to talk to, where to go; that trapped women may see the love of Christ in our eyes
• Pray that the Spirit will move in ways that transcend language and culture
• Pray for the end of demand for women for personal pleasure and exploitation; the end of the sex industry
• Pray that women will dare to escape, dare to hope, dare to build a new life, dare to believe that they are worthy; pray against the lies and strongholds of Satan, for spiritual and physical freedom
• “For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Col. 1:13-14).
• “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair” (Is. 61:1-2).

Wednesday, Feb. 17^th

AM: Burma partner presenting, prayer for partner

PM: Conference with Liz Curtis Higgs, “Embracing Grace”

EVE: Team Building Time

• Pray for our presenting partner, for Liz, for team unity
• Pray for our partners, who often feel alone and discouraged; who suffer spiritual attack
• “I want you to know how much I am struggling for [them so that] they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” (Col. 2:1-2).

Thursday, Feb. 18^th

AM: Cambodia partner presenting, prayer for partner

PM: Conference with Liz Curtis Higgs, “Embracing Grace”

EVE: Banquet for safe house women

• Pray for the 230 women to have joy, fun, peace, and a great sense of being loved
• Pray that the Thai women will grasp their worth in Christ; Thailand has royalty, so they know what it means to be a princess, and pray that their eyes may be opened to know their riches in Christ
• Pray for those women who are not saved, that they may know the love of Christ and surrender their lives
• Pray for group dynamics as Thai and American women mix across cultures and languages
• Pray for logistics and details; that things will go smoothly
• Pray that the Thai women may accept the gifts given to them, and that the gifts will help erase the lies of shame, guilt, and worthlessness from their abuse; pray for further healing in body, mind, and soul
• “How great the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!...Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is” (1 Jn. 3:1-2).

Friday, Feb. 19^th

AM: Travel to northern Thailand

• Pray for health, refreshing, perseverance, and encouragement for us as we travel
• Pray that we may have clarity and wisdom to process and think through some of our experiences
• “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul…You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever” (Ps. 23:1-3, 5b-6).

Saturday, Feb. 20^th

AM/PM: Orphanage visit

EVE: Nepal partner presenting, prayer for partner

• Pray for our partner presenting in the evening
• Pray for lasting relationships to be formed at the orphanage; for the love of Christ to overflow from us and for our strength and energy to play with these girls
• “May the Lord make you love increase and overflow for each other and everyone else, just as ours does for you” (1 Thes. 3:12).
• Jesus said, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me” (Mark 9:37).
• “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these” (Mk. 10:14).

Sunday, Feb. 21

AM/PM: Travel to Bangkok

EVE: Dominican Republic partner presenting

• Pray for health and safety as we travel; pray for patience, grace, and strength during the last stretch
• Pray for our partner presenting
• “My hand will sustain [her]; surely my arm will strengthen [her]” (Ps. 89:21).
• “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being” (Eph. 3:16).

Monday, Feb. 22^nd

Travel to the United States

• Pray for each other as we return home; pray for debriefing, processing, journaling
• Pray that we will take what we have learned and share it with others; pray that this makes a lasting impact on us and renews our strength and purpose in the Lord; pray for our zeal for God’s justice, for prayer
• “Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done” (1 Ch. 16:8).
• “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).
• “But you [received] power when the Holy Spirit [came] upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth” (Acts 1:8).

No Longer One in a Crowd

I have been thinking and journaling on what it means to be a part of the family of God. I look back over my experiences in the many churches I've been through in my short life-time. It saddens me that I experienced some of my deepest wounds in a place that was meant to be a safe place for hurting hearts to come home, to be embraced by others of God's children, and to find hope together in a God that heals and forgives. Instead, I found rejection, legalism, and judgment. I remember the loneliness, the hurt of what if feels to stand from the outside looking in, the exclusion because you "weren't one of them." I am happy to tell you that there was one place in which there was an exception to this general summary I am relating. There was a place where I found love and acceptance among God's people, and that made all the difference in the world to me. I am ever grateful to them, and I love these people dearly. In more recent years I have come to know many people who truly love and care for those who are outside their door. I have found myself as one of those who has been welcomed in. In writing all this, I'm asking myself the question, "How do I reach out in love and warmth to welcome those who are perhaps visiting, those who may be searching for the truth, or those who may be new in the fold?" Do I get so caught up in my own little world made up of the people who I am directly involved with that I don't "see" anyone else outside of that group? Am I so busy trying to keep myself "safe" that I immediately scurry off to some corner where I don't have to relate to anyone? I'm afraid I do this far too often. How is it that people know we are true children of God? By our love. By the love they see among us, and the love we share without us. Oh, how I long to be a divine instrument of His love. Oh, that I may have the strength, the courage that I can only find in Him, to reach out to those He places in my path, those who are searching for the answers to their questions, those who are lost on their way, desperately longing for something more in life. Friends, we HAVE the answer! It is Jesus Christ! We must come alongside those who are wounded and weary and point them to the only One who can satisfy their heart's deepest longings and answer their deepest questions. I have a poem to share, which I wrote awhile back in the beginning of my journey...

One in a Crowd

Comin' through the church doors,
Sittin' in the pew,
Listenin' to the preacher,
I am someone new.

I tag along behind
Someone that I know.
I'm scared to go alone -
I'd end up a "no-show."

Standin' in the sidelines,
Sittin' on a chair,
Watchin' other folks
Talkin' here or there.

They must be well acquainted,
Good friends they all must be.
I wish that I could know them,
But I'm too scared, you see.

I'm afraid of new people,
I'm afraid of new things.
I'm afraid of life
And what it will bring.

Sadly I wonder,
"Is there no place for me?"
The past grips my memory -
Will it this way always be?

I retreat into silence -
Fear shuts the door.
I'm one in a crowd
And nothing more.
a.m.d
October 2007

I am no longer one lost in the crowd, for there is One who has found me.

Daughter's of the King

Just recently, I came home from spending a day in Grand Rapids for an orientation of my upcoming trip to Thailand. I have yet to meet these rescued women, but my heart calls out to them. In learning more of the details of the trip, I am challenged, yet eagerly anticipating the time that is so near at hand. I have always had a deep capacity to feel another's pain, and I long to wrap arms of love around them. Our stories are different, but we share in the pain of brokenness, broken hearts and broken dreams. And we come to the same God who has loved us since before the beginning of time. At the foot of His cross we all meet on level ground. How I love this God who has seen us through our darkest night, who has found us where we have kept ourselves hidden. He is the One who has loved us all our life. His is the sweetest voice that has ever called our name. I would like to share a glimpse into the heart of these women. I hope that it touches your heart as it has mine. Part of what we as a group will be doing is put on a banquet for these precious women. For the first time in their lives, they have the opportunity to experience the delight of being the princess invited to the ball. Tiaras, magic wands, dainty dishes, wedding cake, beautiful gifts, dancing, laughter, an evening of wearing the glass slipper. For many of them it is the first time they walk away glad to be a woman. They find it hard to believe that someone would actually do something nice for them. They ask, "Why do you make us look so good?" when they cannot see inside themselves any beauty or worth. All their lives they've been used, they've been perpetrated against, and all sense of value and worth has been stripped from their souls. This is where the thief, the enemy of our souls, has stepped in to steal, kill, and destroy what God meant as something beautiful and precious, to be cherished and protected. Last year at the banquet, there were women who believed the gift bags with tissue paper peeking out were just for show. Imagine the looks of pure delight upon finding all the treasures they held inside! There was also a beautiful wedding cake setting on a cake table for these beautiful brides of Christ. One girl couldn't believe it was real - her words, "They wouldn't do something like that for us." She was convinced it was cardboard just covered by the layers of frosting. She went to poke the cake to prove to the other girls she was right. Instead, she found that her hand went through the frosting right on into the cake! How delightful a surprise! The story ends here for right now, but there will be more coming!

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion - to give them beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified."
Isaiah 61:1-3

Turning Back the Pages

In the Darkness

Some days are dark and filled with fear,
And we've no place to shed a tear.
We wonder what God's planned for us -
It is so hard for us to trust.

Our lives are broken pieces,
And the pain never ceases.
Painful memories flood our minds -
The truth seems so hard to find.

Is there such a thing as love?
How can you say there's a God above?
The battle's raging in our hearts
Striving to tear our lives apart.

The days are long, the nights are dark.
We see no hope for a new start.
The shadows fade away to dawn -
We sigh. Another night is gone.

Why should I stay my life to face
When it is one I can't embrace?
Why don't I end it all right now -
I'll never make it anyhow.

Then Jesus comes and takes my hand
Holds me from the sinking sand.
In the darkness with me cries,
Wipes the tears from my eyes...

a.m.d.
written 11-11-07

He Picked Me Up

With the coming of this new year, I have held and pondered much in my heart. In thinking about the past two years of my life, I stand in speechless amazement where God has brought me from. I am brought to tears remembering back to those darkest days of my life when all I wanted was to die. And I was dying. I didn't believe there was anything left for me. I had lived, and I found nothing worth living for. The pain within me consumed me. The darkness seemed to swallow me. I had sunken to a place of such despair, that nothing or no one could pull me out of that place. The people in my life didn't know how to help me anymore, but they refused to give up on me. On January 19, 2008 I walked through the doors of Mercy Ministries for the first time. I will never forget that day. I was 17 and scared to death. The first part of my stay there it didn't seem like anything was changing. In fact, it was like going to hell and back - facing the pain of all that happened to you - things you never believed you would be able to tell anyone. I was locked in such a grip of shame, I could not speak, I could not look up from the floor. But gradually I began to open up, and I found myself embraced by love and acceptance. I found I was not alone. I found that there were still good people in the world. There were people who were compassionate and loving, passing no harsh judgements, people who knew what it was to speak the love of Jesus into a broken life. I found a God who not only loved me, but was also in love with me. I found a God who would wrap His arms around me, who knew me and called me by name before I ever came to be. His love worked itself into my heart little by little, and my life, which had so far been painfully wrapped tight in a bud, began to blossom. I found music in my soul again. I came face to face with a love so perfected, a love that I hadn't dared to believe could possibly exist. I found hope again. Forever my life was changed.

Looking back a year ago, I found myself in another dark place. My heart had been hurt and disappointed once again, and I had fallen for the lies of the enemy who refused to give up on his attempt to destroy my life. I ended up in the hospital for 10 days. I felt so much shame and condemnation for having ended up in the same pit I thought I had been pulled out of, but that's when God started going in deep, deep into the recesses of my heart where there were doors I had shut out that I hadn't even realized existed. He drew me back to Him once more, and I came to know Him in a deeper way. He has been with me through the darkness of it all, the pain, the brokenness, even when I couldn't understand. I learned to trust Him more, to take Him at His word, to choose life over death, truth over lies, and my heart has been changed. I am a free(er) person than I was before. I have found that the joy of the Lord truly is my strength, no matter what my circumstances may be. I have an unexplainable peace and joy that can only be from Him. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for how He has taken care of me, loved me, how He has held and healed my heart in more ways than I could ever tell. I have not words enough to express my heart, only in the simplest words of saying "Thank-you." Thank-you Jesus. My heart, my life is Yours.

Thank-You

I am writing to thank each one of you who have prayerfully and/or financially contributed to make it possible for me to travel to Thailand as part of a mission team ministering to wounded women. I am excited to tell you that because of your gifts, I have reached the $4,000 goal, which covers the cost of the trip! I now have my airline ticket to Thailand and back. I am excited because I know God has gone before me, and He has made this possible. When I started this endeavor, to tell the truth, I didn't have a whole lot of faith. I figured I'd just try it out and see what happened. I was exploring my options, and I thought this could end up at a dead-end road, just like any other. To the human eye it looked as if all the odds were against me. I was late sending in my application. I was late sending out my support letters. I knew no one who would be on this trip. I had never traveled overseas before. I had no idea of the unknown that lay ahead of me. Despite these 'odds', if you wish to call them that, God has come through in a miraculous way. I am continually amazed! I would like to share one such provision. It was the second week of December, the deadline for needed funds was Dec. 28, and I still needed around $350. Nothing had come in for several weeks, and I knew I needed to purchase my plane ticket sooner rather than later, if I didn't want to pay an exorbitant price. So I decided I would send in the needed amount. The next morning I wrote out a check for $347, and placed it in a stamped and addressed envelope. I laid it aside to carry outside later because I did not want to face the cold outdoors so early in the morning. As the day passed, it totally slipped my mind, until it was too late to send out that day. I was like, "Oh, well, I'll do it tomorrow." A few minutes later I checked my email, and found one waiting for me to tell me some funds had come in, and I had reached the 4K mark! I felt so blessed (and excited!)! God's timing and provision were exactly what I needed.