Child of God

I paint on the face

I strap on the heels

I shut down my heart

So it won't have to feel

The hands that don't know me

All over my skin

And the eyes that don't love me

Drinking me in.

Under this make-up

I'm black and blue

The petals were crushed

Before I could bloom

I didn't choose this

No one ever would

And I'd break these chains

If only I could.

I'm a child of God

I hide in plain sight

I'm a child of God

Slave to the night

Powerless, broken,

Abandoned, abused

Do you see a child of God

Or just a prostitute?

The world looks away

And calls me a whore

And each day I die

Just a little bit more

A disposable person

To keep at arm's length

Human trash...

Is that what you think?

What I've become

Is not who I am

We both were created

By the very same hand

I'm a child of God

I hide in plain sight

I'm a child of God

Slave to the night

Powerless, broken,

Abandoned, abused

Do you see a child of God

Or just a prostitute?

-Steve Siler

Transparent Heart

Have you ever felt the fear that if people really knew you, that if they really discovered the “real” you, that they wouldn't love you? I have, often. Yet I find that when I dare to speak out, it gives others the courage to speak out as well. I once read that the reason we tell our stories is to give courage to others to share theirs. Thus, we find that we are not alone in our battles.

This morning in Sunday school it hit me when I heard the statement that how we gird ourselves with the belt of truth is by being honest with God and with people. I can handle the being honest with God part - He knows it all anyway. But people? In my shame, I tend to hide. I avoid the very people I need to love me the most. But, this is a very lonely, very desolate place to be, one where my heart begins to shut down and leaves only a dull ache in its stead.

During class, we never got to the third question in our discussion where it asked if someone would be willing to share a recent time when the Spirit convicted you, and gave you the opportunity to practice 1 John 1:9 - " But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

I would like to share with you a time how I personally experienced this a couple weeks prior on what happened to be a Sunday as well. I was having a difficult day. I was struggling. I felt shame. I felt unworthiness. And Sunday of all Sundays, this happened to be communion Sunday. Pastor Lou mentioned that if there was something that stood between you and God, then maybe that might mean you should let the bread and wine pass you by without partaking. A feeling of dread weighted down my stomach. At that point, it was the last thing I needed to hear before I completely broke down. I began to pray. I poured my heart out to God. I let my heart grieve and the tears slip down my face. I felt “stuck.” I didn't want to stay there, but I also didn’t know how to “get out.” The thought of not taking communion terrified me. I felt like everybody would see me and know that I was the black sheep, like the woman caught in adultery and brought before Jesus by the Pharisees. I didn't want to feel that shame, waiting for the first stone to be cast. I debated my options. The tears continued to fall down my face as I decided to participate in communion, and it was then that I heard Jesus speaking to me so clearly it was unmistakable. He brought me back to Isaiah 53. He took me to the cross and said, "Audrey, this is how much I love you. I carried your shame. There’s no need for you to carry it now. That’s why I died. I took your sin upon my own body, and have clothed you with my righteousness, in a robe of spotless white. Your sins are remembered no more. You are forgiven. You were forgiven at the cross 2,000 years ago. I was beaten so you could be made whole. I was whipped so you could be healed. Everything you are suffering now, I have gone before you to suffer in every way that which you would suffer. There is not one tear that I do not understand. I've carried your sorrows and been crushed for your sins. I have been acquainted with deepest grief. I carried the cross. Now, here is my body, broken for you. And here is my blood poured out for you. This is how much I love you. I am the God who gave up my power, my rights, my Father, my home, and my Sonship that you might know my love. There is no love no greater."

I cannot tell you what this has done and meant to my heart, other than breaking me in my brokenness to see how lost and hopeless I would be without Him, and yet He meets me there and shines His love and His light into my heart.

Lord, your love continues to amaze me. How wide, how high and how deep it is!

“Behold what manner of love the Father has given unto us, that we should be called the children of God!” (I John 3:1)
“Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:4, 5)

I need You to love me - BarlowGirl

The King's Daughters Banquet

Gift Bags

Party favors!

Beautiful ice sculptures! And wedding cake!

Preparing for the Banquet

Becky and Liz Curtis Higgs

Becky thanking the hostesses who served us.

Saw-wa-dee-kaw!

These are two Thai women who served at the banquet we held while in Thailand.

Hello dear ones,

It's been a little over a month since I've been home from Thailand, and here I am finally writing the report I promised I'd give you! Thank-you for your patience in waiting and your consideration in not overwhelming me with a flood of questions. I was in Thailand for 10 days, and it was definitely a life changing experience, some of which I'll try to relay in this letter. I went with a group of 45 other women as part of the ministry of Women at Risk, International, also referred to as WAR. When we reached Bangkok, Becky's (the president of WAR) brother met us at the airport. During our stay he helped with arrangements and made sure everything was flowing smoothly. On a humorous note, the next day which happened to be Sunday, he introduced us to their church with the question, "What do you call a tsunami of 40 women?" The answer, "An estronami!"

During our stay we visited 3 safe houses of rescued women, hosted a banquet for 200 rescued women, went on outreach to the red light districts, and also visited an orphanage of 110 at-risk girls rescued from the intent of being sold into the sex trade. We did some shopping in the incredible markets of Thailand and went on a dinner cruise one evening as well. It was an entirely new experience for me, and I have to say that I fell in love with Thailand, along with its people.

Another highlight of the trip was that Liz Curtis Higgs, popularly known for her book Bad Girls of the Bible, accompanied us and shared her testimony, as well as ministered to us during her teaching time. Her theme was "Embracing Grace." Liz was an absolute delight, and through her I was able to see more of God's heart for His daughters. Some meaningful statements she shared: "God meets us where we are. Even if we aren't looking in His direction, He is always looking in ours." "The purpose of my life is this: I was made to love God and be loved by Him." "God loves me, not because I am good, but because I am His."

I'd like to give you somewhat of a backdrop of the Thai culture which will help you to better understand some of the reasons behind the well known problem of the sex trade, also called sex tourism. It is estimated that 60% of foreign men traveling to Thailand have come for the sex industry. I'd like to insert a sentence here that Women at Risk is NOT an organization who bashes men. The men are wounded as well, and the ministry is searching for a way where they can reach out to the men involved, as well as the women. However, Women at Risk's primary focus is on the women who are the victims of trafficking and prostitution.

Thailand is mainly Buddhist, and there is a teaching in Buddhism that the reason you were born a woman in this life is because you didn't do enough good in your past life to become a man. The male figure is literally worshiped because a man can make merit for his parents by becoming a monk for any length of time (for as little as one day) so they (the parents) can have a cycle of life in heaven.

Also, from the time she is born, a girl's parents keep a ledger of every expense she costs them, and she is required to pay her "debt" when she reaches a certain age. Culturally, it is the daughter who is expected to support her parents and other family members. The cultural obligation is so strong that a girl will say, "I don't matter. I'm not important. What's important is that I support my parents at any cost." Prostitution is considered a better sacrifice than doing nothing at all. Becky asked us to pray for one girl who was "working" to support 8 other family members. One woman's answer as to why she could not leave was this: "My mother has been sick in the hospital so I need to pay for that. My brother just bought a motorcycle, and I need to pay for that. My child is in school, and I must pay her way through college because she is not going to have this kind of life. So that means seven more years."

One girl who had been rescued and had come to know Christ was given the revelation and shared, "God never hated me or was prejudiced against me." Another girl shared, "What I like best of all is worshiping God. God is love, pure love."

I'm going to share an excerpt from my journal that I wrote after my first time meeting some of these incredible women..."Today marks the first day I have met face to face these women I so dearly love. How shall I describe it? How do you describe the rare and precious beauty that has arisen from among the ashes? I look into each of their eyes, and I see beauty. I see depth. They know what it is to be told they are worthless and lower than the meanest snake. They know what it is to have their voices silenced. They know what it is to have no hope. And yet, here they are lifting their eyes to the heaven's, praising and worshiping God, the One who has lifted them from the ashes and given them reason to hope again. I have never seen a more beautiful sight."

It was a precious gift for me to sit among these women, to wrap arms of love around them, to worship with them and hear their stories. Our shared worship times were a glimpse of heaven - they singing in Thai beside us while we sang along in English. It was so amazing to experience the bond of sisterhood with them, and I came to realize how much you can communicate with a person even though you don't speak the same language. Love bridges the gap. Love speaks louder than any spoken words I could utter. When I see these women, the word prostitute doesn't enter my mind for that is not who they are. They are my sisters. Another excerpt from my journal: "These precious young women. They have emotions. They cry. They know fear. They know loneliness. They know shame. They are well acquainted with grief. We are the same. We are sisters."

I have a story of how one precious little girl was rescued from a life of horror. At two weeks of age, her mother in a state of desperation sold her baby into the hands of a trafficker. When WAR heard about this, they tracked that little baby down, and they bought her back. She was adopted by a loving family, and she is now 2 yr. old, as precious and as beautiful as any little girl can be. Her name is Elliana, which means "Gift of God."

There was a woman who accompanied us on our trip from the Dominican Republic and a partner in the ministry of WAR. She shared of the desperate circumstances women find themselves in there. I will never forget this... From my journal, "These women are desperate. They have babies at home who need milk in order to survive. Their children need to be cared for. And there is no money. So after these women tuck their little ones into bed, they catch a train to another town so no one will recognize them. They "work" the entire night selling themselves to make it home by dawn so as they will not be missed. Another day dawns, and the hopeless cycle repeats itself."

The good news in all this is that God is alive and drawing these women to Himself, rescuing and redeeming them from their traumatic pasts. Through ministries like WAR who come alongside these women, they are offered a way out, they are given hope for a new start, and the opportunity of a job that allows them to provide for themselves and their families with dignity.

The most rewarding part of the trip for me was definitely meeting the rescued women face to face. I went on this trip intending to be a blessing, and in return I was so much more abundantly blessed than I could have ever imagined. Their lives speak to me, and impact me in a way that no one else could. During this season of my life God has been working in me a heart of brokenness for the lost, for the broken, and giving me a heart of compassion and unconditional love, as He enables me to see through His eyes, not those of my own. It has and still is a painful process, but I know and believe that God has an intended purpose in mind. I came across a quote in one of Elizabeth Elliot's books, and it fits in my life perfectly,"If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."

I'd like to thank each one of you for prayers for me surrounding this trip. It truly made all the difference in the world. The evening we went on outreach in the red light district, we were walking through on a prayer walk. Amazingly, I felt no fear. Despite being surrounded by insurmountable evil, I was completely at peace. I sensed this bubble of protection that God had enveloped about me. My heart broke for what I saw, and I was given the ability to see through God's eyes, and have love and compassion flow from my heart for both the women and the men. That reminds me of a statement Becky had told us before we even reached Thailand, "They are not the enemy; they are captives of the enemy."

All this to say, I love you, and I am thankful that God has brought each of you into my life. Your lives have made a difference that has impacted one life for the kingdom of God. I cannot imagine how many countless others there must be.

With love,
Audrey

The Master's Hands

The Master's hands -
What hands are they
That guide me through
Each night and day?

Hands that held me
Before my birth
Molded and fashioned in His design
Created for life on this earth.

Before I ever came to be,
Each moment of my life He planned.
Even my name
Is written there upon His hand.

Work-worn hands
That crafted wood,
Yet every tear
He understood.

Calloused, rough -
What hands are they?
'Tis the Master's
Is what they say.

Never knew
A touch more tender,
One that knew
Of Heaven's splendor.

Healing hands
That touch the sick,
Those whom society
Deems "unfit."

Hands that raise
The dead to life
Frees the captives
Conquers strife.

Bleeding hands
Nailed to the tree.
Hanging there,
It was for me.

Hands that reach down
Near to us -
He is the One
Whom we can trust.

Hands that hold us
Lest we fall
He's the best friend
Of all.

None can snatch us
From His hand
For on His promises
We stand.

He the potter
We the clay.
Oh let Him mold me
Day by day.
a.m.d.